Counseling Session

Yes, believe it or not, I am aware that I am not perfect. I am a little nervous about the first counseling session that my husband and I are to attend tomorrow. You see, I am what is called an enabler. I do things to make other people's lives easier. I do these things because it is my nature. It gives me a good feeling, most of the time. After doing these things for a while I start feeling unappreciated and resentful that I am not getting anything in return. Say for instance, from my husband. It's kind of a martyr syndrome, I guess. I do things for him constantly, although they may not be specifically FOR HIM, it does make his life much easier. You see, he is unemployed, yet I still do the majority of the cooking. He's been back in the house for almost a month and I am trying to recall 1 single meal that he has cooked and I can't. He has gotten to where he will do what he calls "cleaning" the kitchen. Even though it is not the cleaning job that I would do, I should be grateful, right? Then why am I resentful? Why in my sick little brain should everyone do everything like I would do it? I've tried letting expectations go. I'm not as quick to point out every flaw that everyone makes. It's just not that easy to do. I am really a sick minded person. I know that I am and I work everyday to try to become a better person. I pray about it, meditate on it, ask myself what I can do to be better at being a person. I keep coming up with do things for them. This creates the circle of resentment that I don't know how to stop. It just keeps going and going and getting worse and growing.

Please Lord, help me. I know that you have the power to take this away. I can't handle it anymore, but you can handle everything. Please take it and don't let me have it back.