WHY?

do I STILL feel like I'm dying when I think of how it used to be? We were unpacking things yesterday and I came across the letters that we (my soon to be ex-husband and I) wrote to each other when he was in basic training for the Air Force. Oh my God how things have changed. I would rush home hoping I would just get letters that he had written and touched the paper. I was obsessed and so much in love with him at that time. And again, when Cassidy was born and he did the things a husband/man/father should do. He would kiss me on the forehead before he left and tell me he loved me and then pass Cassidy to me. When he got home he would kiss me, change clothes and come get the baby and play with her while I took a shower and prepared supper. If she would get cranky while I was cooking, he would take over so I could feed her. What the hell happened to that man. The one I loved. Will someone please help me? Anybody, any entity, I don't care but please take this pain away.