Found a Counselor.....
that may understand my frustration. He (husband) started the session with the normal, she's controlling and manipulative and wants things her way. When I finally got to talk I pointed out that I was the sole supporter of the household and still have to "manage" the household too. The counselor said, out loud even, that I have every right to be pissed off at the world. The fact that I am the sole supporter should warrant that I have less to do around the house instead of just as much if not more than my partner that stays home. Made sense to me. What do you think?
posted by AmyLee at 8:19 AM
6 Comments:
Marilyn,
If someone is treating the job hunt like a job (out by 8 and back by 5) how are they supposed to do all the work?
I agree that if you're the sole supporter you should have to do less, if any, of the work. But dont' get stupid and suggest that even if job hunting you should be doing everything at home too. Pick a position and stick to it. I'm curious, though: if someone's not working but at home raising the kids, should they still do all the work around the house or is it back to being 50/50?
Tony,
In case you come back to this site, just wanted to clarify. He's not watching the kids. They are 9 (in school) and 4 (in day care). He fills out approximately 1 application a month and that's only to local law enforcement agencies. He won't even consider an interim job to help me out. Even if it were 1 a day, I could deal with that. He had 2 interviews at the beginning of the month and he knew that there were physical tests that went along with the interview process. Did he prepare? I'll let you guess the answer to that.
AmyLee,
Neither you, nor Marilyn, have answered either of my questions.
1)Marilyn: IF someone acts as you say they should and treat the job search as a full time job, when and why should they find the time to do ALL the work at home?
2)Marilyn and AmyLee: Somewhat unrelated to your situation, just a question: IF a spouse stays at home to raise the kids (not necessarily your husband, any spouse), are they then responsible for doing ALL the work at home as well, or is that a 50/50 deal? I know moms who work full time and their husbands work PT if at all and they bitch, rightly so, that the hubby can't seem to clean a dish. On the other hand, I know husbands whose wives are stay at home moms (or work some minor PT job a couple of days a week just to get out of the house) yet they can't seem to put a baby bottle in the dishwasher or do a load of laundry; they expect the working dad to do that. I just wanted your take on the division of labor between stay at home spouses and working spouses.
I think that these days, housewife is a dirty word and that is unfortunate.
I truly believe that society would be much better as a whole if one of the parents stayed home and raised the children. Instead, we've pawned them off on daycare, etc. in their most formative years.
I don't have an answer to this dilemma as I feel that our economy has subtly changed over the years to almost (almost, mind you) require that both parents work.
I say "almost" because a one-income household is probably do-able but we'd have to give up too many "necessities" to make it happen.
I'm not sure if this speaks to the the current issue specifically but I'm just throwing in my 2 cents.
:)
Tony,
I stayed at home for 18 months with both of my children and both times my husband never had to lift a finger if he didn't want to. Which generally meant he didn't lift a finger. I did EVERYTHING. Even the yard work. I personally don't mind cooking, cleaning and I love to do yard work. It's just the fact that I have to do all of this stuff while he stays at home and someone else is taking care of my kids that I have a problem with. It is difficult to juggle taking care of kids and a household, but not impossible. I guess it just depends on the mindset of the individual.
Richard,
You are correct about someone should be able to stay home during the formative years, but on a cops salary, it's not logical to do that. I stayed at home until both of my children could communicate effectively, so that I would know if someone was treating them badly. I had to get back to work because copping wasn't paying all the bills, know what I mean? Now I can't get him to get a job to save my life. The children did stay home with him for a while, but when my oldest told me that her father was sleeping until 2 in the afternoon and she was taking care of the 4 year old by herself until that time, I lost it. I kicked him out, put both of them in daycare and now he's back with no responsibility. I'm one of those enabling co-dependent people that wants everyone to have the easy life.......except for me.
I think you know how I feel also. I believe if he truly wanted to work, that he would be out the door looking for jobs, tearin' up the classifieds looking for jobs, calling "cop friends" to see if anyone was hiring. Hell, McDonalds hires anyone. He just doesn't want to work. If you think about it, why would he work? YOU make the money, take care of meals, cleaning, shoppings, and KIDS, all by yourself. He gets to hunt, fish, play x-box, and do whatever he damn well pleases cause he knows that you'll take care of it all and the only thing he'll have to do is go to a counseling session once a week. He knows you won't divorce him, and you won't kick him out....seems to me like he pushing you to see how far you'll let it all go, meanwhile back at the farm, your driving yourself completely insane trying to cope with it all. There is no 50/50 in your house, IT'S ALL YOU BABY!!!
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