Memories Not Worth Remembering
A few months ago something extremely horrific happened and it was a memory that I put away somewhere in the "confines of the unknown" inside my brain. A memory I would much rather have just vanished instead of temporarily abstaining from the storage facility inside my head.
I have recently been going through some trying times with my husband, yet again. I did something that I truly regret having done and have expressed my sincere remorse for having done so.....I will admit what I did.
In a fit of anger, while being restrained, I head butted him in the mouth and busted his lip. This is a topic that keeps coming up. Have you ever heard the term "beating a dead horse?" That is what keeps happening. Every topic that he has to discuss is something that he can't get past. Finances, state of the house...me being an abusive person. I hit him, I did and there is no excuse for putting your hands on another person. I can't justify what I did and I will not attempt to do so.
Background done...back to the main topic....repressed memories.
For some reason while the husband was emotionally draining me yet again for my actions, I was able to stay amazingly calm and say: "You know people make mistakes. People "flub" up, that's just what we do. I'm not perfect, I won't even try to lie and say that I am, but don't sit there on your self righteous high horse and act like you've never done anything to me that would be completely life changing in my views of you.....and I haven't brought it up since the night that it happened."
Yes people, I actually forgot that it had happened. How can someone that has done what he tried to do to me while I was sleeping think that me hitting him one time is such an awful thing? I am faced almost daily with the thing that I did to him. People asking me what happened and why, because he called the cops on me and then someone leaked it out and EVERYONE at the sherrif's department knows him, because he used to work there, but you know, I'm sure he never had to publicly face what he did to me....you know why? I didn't call the police, I dealt with it, myself, instead of having someone else face the fight for me. God, I wish that I hadn't remembered this because now it's all that I can think of.
I have recently been going through some trying times with my husband, yet again. I did something that I truly regret having done and have expressed my sincere remorse for having done so.....I will admit what I did.
In a fit of anger, while being restrained, I head butted him in the mouth and busted his lip. This is a topic that keeps coming up. Have you ever heard the term "beating a dead horse?" That is what keeps happening. Every topic that he has to discuss is something that he can't get past. Finances, state of the house...me being an abusive person. I hit him, I did and there is no excuse for putting your hands on another person. I can't justify what I did and I will not attempt to do so.
Background done...back to the main topic....repressed memories.
For some reason while the husband was emotionally draining me yet again for my actions, I was able to stay amazingly calm and say: "You know people make mistakes. People "flub" up, that's just what we do. I'm not perfect, I won't even try to lie and say that I am, but don't sit there on your self righteous high horse and act like you've never done anything to me that would be completely life changing in my views of you.....and I haven't brought it up since the night that it happened."
Yes people, I actually forgot that it had happened. How can someone that has done what he tried to do to me while I was sleeping think that me hitting him one time is such an awful thing? I am faced almost daily with the thing that I did to him. People asking me what happened and why, because he called the cops on me and then someone leaked it out and EVERYONE at the sherrif's department knows him, because he used to work there, but you know, I'm sure he never had to publicly face what he did to me....you know why? I didn't call the police, I dealt with it, myself, instead of having someone else face the fight for me. God, I wish that I hadn't remembered this because now it's all that I can think of.
posted by AmyLee at 9:23 AM
4 Comments:
I'm sorry that you are having to go through this alone. But Amy, you need to get out of this relationship. For your sanity, for the girls. It's becoming increasingly abusive. I'm not taking sides, because you know how I feel about Jason to begin with. Just get out.
The girls are begging me not to do it. He says he might want to, he can't decide. I told him to decide and go see the attorney, I'm not going to fight him. I just want it over. I don't want the house, I just want out with my kids.
The girls are begging you to NOT get a divorce? I thought before, Cassidy was happier when he was gone.
We were all happier when he was gone. Cassidy is the main person saying stick with it now. She had a taste of what it would be like and he was ugly during the time that we were separated. She realizes that he didn't come pick them up until after I filed for divorce and then it was only because his lawyer told him it would look bad on him if he didn't.
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