Are you a Cheerleader?

After almost 12 1/2 years of marriage, I finally did it. I'm not saying it was ALL bad, just a lot of it. There was probably more bad than good. Anyway, what I finally did was file for divorce on Monday. Now for the most part, I am not an advocate of divorce. I hate that I have to hurt anyone, especially my children (age 9 and 4). He's been out of the house since the 18th of August and Daughter #2 is still asking when he's coming home. That's when it's the hardest. How do you explain to a 4 year old what is happening? You really can't. The amazing thing is that since the filing, he and I have reached a new level. He finally grasps the concept that the relationship is no longer about us, but the kids. I have no relationship with him other than dealing with the things that come up about the children. As long as there is no finger pointing, we get along just fine. He kinda half-finger pointed, you know the knuckle point, yesterday, but I backed him down. After all this is over, I may want to be an attorney after all. Pretty much, if you keep your nose clean and he's got skeleton's, you're good. I mean, I go out dancing and have fun with my friends and stuff, but I'm not really doing anything any other newly separated person hasn't done, right? It's not like I'm in the market for a replacement spouse, heck, I don't think I'll ever be in the market for that again. They can hurt you way too bad, if you let down that wall.

So, from now on there is no more dobber-ball or whack-a-dobber, or any hillbilly sport going on at my home. Yee-haw!!!

Co-Dependency Anyone?

DAMN IT! Why can't I just let him go? This is like a death in my family. In a sense, I guess it is. It is not a healthy relationship. We fight all the dang time. He's just been a part of it for so long, I can't let go. Last night I dreamed he was walking out of his bathroom I woke up and reached out for him and he wasn't really there. It was very depressing. I don't know if I can do this. I know it's better for me and my girls to not be with such a negative person, he's like a friggin' drug. If the physical aspect of our relationship wasn't sooooo good, when it happened, it would probably be alot easier. I just don't know what to do. God, please give me strength.

To be single, or not to be single????

For those of you that don't know me, I am in a bit of a dilemma. I have kicked my unemployed, uninjured, completely capable husband, out of my home. He tells me he still loves me and is still completely devoted to me and will come back whenever I say (in one breath). Then he will say things like, the longer you drag this out, the easier it's gettin' for me to not be nice to you (in the next breath). What he doesn't realize, is that I consider the latter an ultimatum. For those of you that may read my blog and are fellow control freaks, these types of actions do not result in positive results, now do they? I want to be civil to him, nice even, because not only am I a control freak, but I am also co-dependent (big time). I don't want to hurt other people and hurt myself in spite.

BACK TO THE NORMAL LIFE

Well, as normal as it can possibly be. I took Jake and Kasee home Saturday, it was fun while it lasted. I think having 2 teenagers in the house did a lot to raise my spirits. Turned out to be pretty fun. I didn't make the enchiladas until Saturday though. My parents had to eat them too. They didn't seem too turned off by the idea. I can't wait for them to come back to visit me. It seems the older they get, the less uptight and pretentious I have to be around them. They think I'm crazy, but cool (at least I hope.) Well, we know the crazy thing is a given!

THE VISIT

Well, my neice and nephew (love them to death) are in town this week. So far we have, been out to eat, gone to the beach and Gone to Astroworld. Mind you, I work a full time job and wake up @ 4:30 a.m. to get to it to single handedly support a family of 4. Monday, we ate at the house (take out pizza). I'm just too tired to cook when I get home. Tuesday I got home from work and turned around and drove to the beach and stayed up until midnight planning Wednesday's trip to Astroworld. Today, I think I will actually cook their favorite meal, chicken enchiladas. Yummy, everyone on that side of the family begs me to make them when I see them. They have really good taste in food. My side of the family isn't real crazy about them. Which is odd, because they generally love all the food I love. Hmmmm, chicken enchiladas after only 15 hours of sleep for the whole week. I can sleep when I'm dead. I only get to see Jake and Kaysee 1 time every other year or so. I want them to feel special when they're here.