Chicken *%@# Moth#( F*&%$#s

Can you believe the nerve of some people? I came into work today to a copy of the dress code placed on my desk with the "violation" I had commited highlited. 1st off, yes I am somewhat guilty, it says no sweats shirts/sweat pants. I was wearing a jogging suit, but it was not sweat material. 2nd, the only people that got the dress code placed on their desks were me and 1 other guy and he was not in violation anyway. 3rd, clearly becoming a hostile work environment. 4th, if you have the balls to do something so chickenshit, why not have the balls to stand up and say, yep, I did it. HA HA HA! Why, because you know your ass would be cold busted for harrassment. Singling out people that are not liked because they do their friggin' jobs. Got a problem with the way I dress. Pay my friggin' bills for a month so I can buy some new clothes. It's cold, I am running fever and dress accordingly, but I'm at work. Would you rather I not be. Obviously that is the case. Well, you can just bite me. Believe me, when I win the lottery, I won't be here anymore.

Sometimes.....

you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug. Let's just say I've been squished.

Why do I set myself up for disappointment?

I am kicking myself in the butt for trusting someone to abide by an agreement that they made and then not sticking by it. I will not go into specifics. Let's just say it's hard to have faith in mankind / womankind when you can't even trust a friend to keep there word to you. It's my fault, I should have known better I suppose. I try to help people out and get trampled on in the stampede of excuses for selfishness and narcissism.


*****This was written prior to "the talk". Things are okay at this point. *******

Christmas Past

I can recall a time when Christmas was a grand occasion. When I was a child and all the pretty packages were neatly waiting for Christmas morning. One year I can remember my sister getting a new rifle (refer to blog entitled The Women in my Family) and a light up make-up mirror. I can't recall what I received, but that isn't really that important now is it? I was always more excited about getting to see cousins that I didn't get to see very often. We always went to Nanny's first (mom's mom), but then her mind started slipping and we started going to Aunt's homes instead. It just wasn't the same after that. The tree in Nanny's back yard was chosen as my visualization of a safe place many years later. Nanny had Alzheimer's and we didn't realize it until it was way far advanced. Next we went to Memaw's house. Too many people to ever know everyone's name. I just knew we were all related somehow. Memaw always gave us stuff like pillow cases with liquid embroidery on them. I always thought it was a pretty lame gift when I was young, but I'd sure like to have one now. In 2001 we were supposed to have Christmas Dinner at Memaw's house the weekend before Christmas. Tragedy struck the night before the dinner and Memaw fell and broke her hip. She was 92 years old. I think she was entitled to unsure footing. She underwent surgery to replace the hip on Christmas Eve and died on December 27. You see everyone in the family would alway go to memaw's for as long as I can remember because it might have been her last one. I sure do miss Christmas at Nanny's and Memaw's. The funny thing is that when I go to family Christmas functions now, at 33 years old, I still have to sit at the "Kid's Table". That's okay, I'm still young at heart.

Counseling Strike

Have you ever known anyone to get up and walk out of a "family" counseling session? Well, now you do. I have had enough of this bull hockey! I'm tired of him woe is me, she's trying to tell me how to live my life. It's my life I wanna do what I wanna do. Waa Waa Waa Waa Waa! Tried to tell me what I think when I do things for other people. Well, if you're in my brain with me, why don't you just go ahead and take a load off of me for a friggin' change! Put all the eggs in YOUR basket? I think it became our basket on January 23, 1993. And the family basket on January 18, 1996 and again on June 12, 2001. If you don't believe that, then there's the damn door, don't let it hit you on your way out! I do things for other people because it makes me feel good. Not because I'm keeping score. But when you've done things for other people for 13 years and can't really remember anything they've done for you it doesn't help break down the resentment department. Know what I mean? I do things for other people all day every day, just once I would like to come home to my entire family ready to sit down and eat a dinner that is already prepared, in a clean house with beds made. By clean house I mean, swept, vacuumed, mopped, laundry done and put away. No extra stuff laying around that has a place to be kept. You know, like a model home. I think that's why I enjoy going to look at model homes so much. They are clean! I dream of an uncluttered house and I am happy. No stuff laying around where it shouldn't be. Oops, there's the ADD again. Anyway, I walked out of that session because I'm tired of hearing what a horrible wife I am expecting him to work! Sheesh, anymore freeloaders out there that need a nice place to stay and a woman to walk on?

Complaint Department: Please take a number and hold your breath....

This used to be a sign that hung on the side of my cubicle. Wish I still had it. It is perfect for my life at this time.

1. I have had so many people tell me that I need to sue my doctor, but like I said, he is human and medicine is a science. What does that mean? It means, he is entitled to mistakes. I've made so many mistakes and never been sued. Why tempt kharma? Don't plan on doing it. I may be screwing up by not suing, but if it's not hurting any one else but me, then why do it? If it affected thousands of other women by me not suing, I would, but it's not.

2. I am so sad and hurt about the one person that claims to love me unconditionally not respecting me that I can't see straight. Then when I try to tell him that he is disrespecting me he walks out of the house and jumps in his truck and takes off. Doesn't say goodbye, tell me where he is going, just leaves. I called him and asked where he was going and he said to Angleton. That's a lot of acreage. You told me not to dip in the house and I'm not in the house. That's kinda like when I told him no more beer in the house and he brought home Jack Daniels instead. I just hung up the phone. Didn't say goodbye, just hung up. He called back and asked "What happened?" I said "If it's easier for you to run away from your problems (me) than to deal with them, then it's easier for me to hang up on mine." Click! Didn't like that much.

We're supposed to be "working" on this. So far, it's just me doing the work. Sure he schedules the counseling sessions, shows up and puts on his little act and then returns to self when we're not in front of the doctor. Of course, I look like a total donkey's butt, but at least that's being me. I'm used to looking like a donkey's butt.

OOOOPS!!!

Finally back from surgical leave. I was only supposed to be out for 2 days and one little slip of the "instrument" and whammo, 6 days off of work. Of course that includes a weekend, but still. So 4 days off of work, one of which was unpaid because I only had 3 days of vacation. I'm not going into the gory details of why I needed surgery or what they did to me, let's just say, I still love my doctor and wouldn't trade him for the world. Just because he has an M.D. behind his name doesn't make him perfect. He is entitled to do an ooops once in a while. He and I are both sorry that I was his first. Not his fault my stuff is too small for the "instrument".